Week 1: MC Hammer and the Pyros vs Trixie’s TnA

Hello gentlemen and welcome to another episode of “The Battle Report©”

Before we get into the report though, I would like to take a moment to update our readers on some ancillary things that happened last night.

First, I used my dictatorship like powers to declare a new rule (or more specifically a redefining of a previous rule).  Given how well Chad’s last battle report was, I decided to abandon the current “naming convention” that I had suggested in favor of a new one.  Every time you write a battle report, you get to bestow 1 title.  You can give that title to yourself or your opponent, it is your choice.  That title then remains for the rest of the campaign.  I do regret not thinking of this earlier, as Jojobear, Turn Four Turtle, First of His Name, and Ricky would each have another title.  Oh well.

Second, after the matches we flipped for next week’s events (in case there was some setup or research that we would need to do).  I flipped a black joker, which means finished off flips can’t be cheated!!!  With that, you need to flip again, so I flipped the Carnivourous Plants one.  Suck city.

But onto the game!

This report’s matchup features MC Hammer and the Pyros vs Trixie’s TnA in a pitched battle. 

Things started poorly when I was bested by Turn Four Turtle in the battle for the big table.  Not only did I have the shame of playing on a smaller table, that was 2 inches lower than the big table, but I also sat right by the fridge so I was the beer biatch the entire night.  But I’m not bitter…

Strategy: Turf War

Schemes: A Line in the Sand, Bodyguard, Deliver a Message, Breakthrough, Entourage

Deployment: Normal

Turn 1:  Chad wins initiative with some shenanigans and lets me go first.  There is some move and grooving, and a stuffed pig dies (and is injured!), but nothing too exciting.  We each move our forces out, with one of Chad’s Taxidermists heading behind the building on the west side of the board.  I have my 3 mages off to the side, with the gunsmith and the Captain coming up the middle.  Chad has his forces a little more spread out across the map. 

Turn 2: Chad wins initiative with some shenanigans and we are off to the races.  He uses the Whiskey Golem to charge up and take out a mage, then scoots back into the middle of the table.  My gunsmith moves up a bit to take a shot at Trixie (I think), Chad summons a pig to cause trouble with the remaining two mages, I kill said pig, Chad moves his taxidermist completely behind the building on the west side, and Trixie moves up do some pushing around.  The turn ends with what I thought was going to be a majestic move by the Captain.  He uses his 8 inch charge and 3 inch melee range to charge the Whiskey Golem.  Being a construct, the Captain gets ++ to the damage flip.  I have 1 card left in my hand and Chad is top-decking.  First attack is a hit.  The ++ makes it a positive flip, which I cheat in the RED JOKER! to do a total of 9 damage.  How many wounds does the Golem have you ask?  9!  Woohoo.  But wait one sec intrepid readers, why isn’t the Whiskey Golem dead?  Armor +1?  CRAP!  With no cards left in my hand, the Captain fails the TN 15 willpower check and he is poisoned and his activation is over.  We each score 1 VP from Turf War.

Brody – 1, Chad – 1

Turn 3: Chad wins initiative, but I get to pull the shenanigans this time.  Chad flips a 6 and I flip a 3.  He starts to take his turn before I remind him that I can soulstone to reflip my initiative.  He can cheat initiative out of his hand, but has to decide before I use my SS.  He cheats in a Jack, which is awesome because I had no intention of reflipping.  Take that Trixie!  His 1^st activation is to use the Golem’s nimble ability to walk into base contact with the Captain and Deliver a Message (stupid armor!).  Chad scores 3 VP.  The mages take care of some more pig stuff, and Chad uses his two taxidermists to give slow to a mage and the gunsmith.  The Gunsmith moves up behind cover with his one AP.  Trixie comes up to damage him a bit, but he gets Fast out of the deal for the next activation and is saved only because he is hard to kill.  So he remains with 1 wound left.  The Captain activates last and charges Trixie.  Without cards to cheat with, his 2 attacks are misses, and he uses his 3^rd AP to swing and miss at the Golem who has 1 HP remaining.  We each score 1 VP from Turf War.

Chad – 5, Brody – 2

Turn 4: Chad wins initiative with some shenanigans.  Trixie, the Golem, The Captain, and the gunsmith are all right around the center marker.  In a crucial turning point of the game, Chad activates Trixie and attempts to push the captain away (out of melee range so that she can attack and kill the Gunsmith).  She takes a damage to get an extra AP.  3 AP later, the captain is still in melee range.  She uses her 4^th and final AP to throw burning +8 onto the gunsmith guaranteeing his death at the end of the round.  Somewhere in here, one of chad’s taxidermists die, and he uses the other taxidermist to kill a mage.  Sadly, that mage was the object of my Bodyguard scheme so I score no points from that.  The gunsmith uses his Fast AP to walk into base contact with Trixie and Deliver a Message, scoring me 3 VP before his candle burns out.  My other mage finishes off the Golem.  I score a VP from Turf War*. 

Brody – 6, Chad – 5

Turn 5: At this point, Chad has 2 pigs, a taxidermist, and Trixie.  I have The Captain and 1 Mage. Chad wins initiative with some shenanigans.  At this point, I realize that the only way Chad can win is if he has taken Bodyguard or Entourage with the remaining Taxidermist.  Given how he ran up the side of the board and stayed out of the fray, I think it is likely that he has done exactly that.  Thankfully, instead of keeping the Captain in melee range, or activating the Taxidermist first and running him far away to safety, Chad, Screwer of the Pooch, chooses to activate Trixie and try to shoot the captain.  He is successful in putting some damage on him, but ends up just pushing the captain out of engagement range.  I activate the captain, Charge the taxidermist and kill him with my 3^rd AP.  Chad ineffectually blows up some pigs and the turn ends.

Brody – 6, Chad – 5

I flip an 11, and on we play.

Turn 6: The captain charges Trixie and does some damage, but she is able to kill him off.  The Mage comes in and finishes Trixie off and is the lone combatant on the battle field at the end of the game.

So with that, Brody wins 6 to 5…

OR DOES HE!?!?!?!?

While writing up this report, I realized an error that I made during the game.  At the end of turn 4, Chad had to remind me to apply burning to the gunsmith.  I had already started to shuffle my cards and had done all of the end of round book-keeping, including giving myself a VP for Turf War.  The Gunsmith was one of the 2 people I needed to score that, and the burning would kill him before the strategy is checked, so I shouldn’t have scored a point.  And so, the game should have ended in a tie, 5-5.  That is how I will put it in the spreadsheet.  Luckily I had already written this report, so the Screwer of the Pooch will just have to live with it

Chad's pig suffered a wound that lets the opponent push him 6 inches after the 1st initiative flip.

Thoughts

Somewhere around Turn 4, I look over to the big table and ask what turn those guys are on.  They reply that they are ending turn 2.  From a casual glance, it looks as though they have moved their models a combined 7 inches.  I am not sure exactly what the hell was going on over there.

Just when I think I am really starting to round out my knowledge of the rules, I get something as simple as defensive stance wrong.

I lucked out with this game.  If Chad would have been able to push the captain away in turn 4 (or pushed the gunsmith instead), he would have won.  If he would have run the Taxidermist away, he would have won.  He did a fantastic job shutting down the 3 mages with mainly just the 1 taxidermist.  The fact that I couldn’t kill the Golem and let him hang around for 2 extra turns hurt as well.